Name: Cloverfield (2008)
Important things i’ve learned while watching this:
01. Even if all of Manhattan is in chaos, cell phones will still work.
02. Yuppies who can afford apartments in the West Village aren’t above drinking Budweiser.
03. The military has a secret tunnel into Manhattan; how else would they get several hundred soldiers into Lower Manhattan when the entire population was fleeing across the bridges?
04. You just have to tell her that you love her.
05. Army officers will disobey orders so that you can go search for your girlfriend, who is almost certainly dead.
06. Even with incredible damage done to NYC, the power will remain on, in subways and collapsing buildings.
07. When a giant monster attacks NYC, he goes for the icons first: Statue of Liberty, Brooklyn Bridge, Chrysler Building, etc.
08. Razors are prohibitably costly for men in NYC.
09. Even if the girl you want to hook up with has just been ravaged by a slavering dog monster, it shouldn’t stop you from trying.
10. Coney Island isn’t really worhtwhile going to see.
11. If someone you love dies horribly in front of you – don’t worry as you’ll be over it in 5 minutes.
12. No matter how many loved ones you lose, remember to keep your digicam on and at shoulder height whenever possible.
13. If you are pinned agonisingly through the shoulder by something large and heavy, leaving a great big open wound, don’t worry, you’ll have forgotten it hurts in 10 minutes.
14. If it’s not an 18 film you can’t say “What the fu5k was that?” all the way through the movie, instead, you have to say “Oh my God, did you see it?”
15. Pedants love this film – I mean, really love it.
16. Apparently young and beautiful are the only requirements for having a huge apartment in the city when you are maybe only 24.
17. Don’t taunt a giant monster when he gets knocked down, because he’ll knock your dumb ass out of the sky.
18. Buy the longest lasting battery in the history of digital recording equipment, also make sure you own a tape that is capable of filming over 18 hours of footage.
19. Buy a camera that is giant monster teeth proof.
20. When being attacked by some vicious unknown creature, don’t drop your camera to help defend yourself.
21. Cellphones get reception in subway stations, but only if you’re calling a family member to inform them of another family member’s death.
22. Cameras can survive military bombing runs even if they’re strong enough to kill the person operating the camera.
23. When bombing a giant monster, you have to use a B2 Stealth Bomber because the monster has radar.
24. When you see a mass of running rats.. be scared.. be VERY scared.
25. When they tell you NOT to stop on the bridge, it means do NOT stop on the bridge!!
26. Giant monsters are magnetically attracted to major metropolises.