63 important things i’ve learned while watching show ‘curb your enthusiasm’

Name: Curb Your Enthusiasm

Imdb page: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0264235/

Important things i’ve learned while watching this:

01. Never agree to wear your friend’s jacket while he uses the bathroom at an airport.
02. If someone has a skewer in their hand at a party – stay away!
03. Richard Lewis invented “the *blank* from hell”
04. Dermatologists are easily offended by affirmative action jokes.
05. Larry likes to have blubber for breakfast
06. Larry’s grandfather’s name was Harold Bingo, and he invented the game “Bingo”.
07. There’s a good Hodgkins. I’m not saying it’s a great Hodgkins, It’s a good Hodgkins.
08. Larry has long ass balls.
09. Never refer to a biracial person (or doll) as a “mulatto”.
10. Cum is cum.
11. Putting a skewer in your pants pocket can lead to a scrotum kabob.
12. Never call David Schwimmer’s dad unless you have something nice to say.
13. Never ask a woman how her vagina is doing, even if you’re the one who healed it.
14. Don’t talk doing sex, expessially none sexual things.
15. When you have a job interview flip it topsy turvey on that mu*tha*f*ucka.
16. Larry pees sitting down.
17. It’s always best to take the house tour when offered.
18. Do not abuse sample privileges.
19. Club soda and salt works wonders on stains – the trick is get to the stain before it dries.
20. Cliff Cobb’s grandfather did not invent the Cobb salad – Bob Cobb did.
21. NEVER tell Mindy Reiser a secret.
22. You can be 100 and be an orphan.
23. Go home and change if you have a “go home stain”.
24. Don’t invite a sex offender over for Seder (even if he’s really nice).
25. Christmas trees in the house are bad luck for jews.
26. Don’t use the c word in a poker game.
27. Tea cups with handles too small are worthless.
28. Male underwear without holes can stop testicular twisting .
29. Playing scary ghosts with African-American children is highly offensive.
30. If someone insults you, you got to get in that ass.
31. Writing “Bald Asshole” on someones door is a hate crime.
32. You have to be in a car to order from a drive-thru.
33. Never compliment someone on the size of their son’s penis.
34. NOBODY bribes a pharmacist.
35. Don’t try to save someone from drowning at a baptism.
36. Doggie bags are not for dogs!
37. It gets very chilly at the beach at night.
38. To avoid going to a party, show up the night after and pretend like you were confused about the date. .
39. If you donate money, be “anonymous” because you’ll end up receiving even greater recognition.
40. If you are suspicious that someone is lying, tilt your head and squint at them for a long, drawn-out moment.
41. If you need to obtain a bouquet of flowers quickly, a roadside memorial is a convenient source.
42. Don’t ever use the phone while waiting in the doctor’s office.
43. Don’t ever shout, “You’re eating a dog!” at a wedding reception unless you’re POSITIVE it’s really a dog.
44. A lefty phone call is nothing compared to a righty…
45. Whistle Wagner in the privacy of your own home.
46. You shouldn’t hire a chef with Tourette’s.
47. A survivor on the show Survivor is worse than a holocaust survivor.
48. Baseball can be hidden in a big vagina. .
49. If you accidently take some clothes from the Dry Cleaners, they are yours to keep.
50. Never tell a little girl there’s no toothfairy. Even if she is 11 years old.
51. When shopping for a new car keep in mind that GT means guaranteed tremendous.
52. Don’t stick a dolls head down your pants.
53. Don’t expect your mother in law to get a sponge. Even if it is her idea.
54. It’s a bad idea to scratch your finger in front of someone who knows sign language.
55. Massaging a groin muscle in your car can produce unintended interpretations.
56. Never offend old people in a Bingo room.
57. Black people with a suit on park cars. Black people without a suit on steal cars.
58. People who have chosen to shave their hair are not considered to be part of the bald community.
59. Those big vagina ladies are getting away with murder.
60. The word that starts with a J and ends with an I is ‘Jedi’.
61. If you have trouble reading a personal note from a doctor – ask a pharmicist.
62. Never bring your friend’s exterminator to a school play .
63. How often I go to the bathroom is a private thing. It’s normal, let’s just say that. Everything’s normal. Unless I drink a lot of water and I’ll go a lot. You have an office next to the bathroom and I’m drinking a lot of water and I go in there a long time and you look at your watch, you’ll say ‘God this guy drinks a lot of water, he goes a lot’. That’s a good thing, drinking water.

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