Name: Eagle Eye (2008)
Important things i’ve learned while watching this:
01. No Matter what, the “self sentient Computer” gimmick never loses its Swagger just keep pumping them out.
02. 22 year olds apparently can get access to top secret stuff.
03. You can break into congressional buildings when the president is giving the State of Union address easily.
04. You can overpower a guard in order to get his uniform.
05. You can make it all the way to the room where all the politicians are and fire numerous shots into the air.
06. Getting shot in the back and Chest does nothing but put your arm in a sling.
07. The supercomputer can hack into powerlines in rural areas and kill people with it.
08. If there are massive car wrecks where cars spin and flip at high speeds, as long as you are important, you can expect to walk away from it.
09. If you thought the purpose of Super-computers was to simplify things then, well, you were wrong.
10. Billy Bob Thorton saw Live Free or Die Hard too many times.
11. The super-computer saw Enemy of the State too many times.
12. If you have a supercomputer that can re-route and essentially control everything instead of wiping out the Executive Branch itself it will needlessly over-complicate things and put the fate of its’ master plans into a child hitting a high F note on a trombone. Ugh.
13. Getting hit by broken power lines will cause a human to explode.
14. Big brother is listening in on your conversations, even if your phone is turned off.
15. All evil robots have this one red eye! 2001 Odyssey, walle, get smart .
16. A little children’s symphony sounds better than most high schools.
17. The president of the USA will always be portrayed as an old white man.
18. Injecting yourself will keep you from suffocating locked inside of a metal box in the bottom of the plane.
19. If you get a phone call saying that the FBI is coming you should probably get out.
20. Not every movie needs a love interest.
21. When you come home and find a bunch of weapons, poisons and ammunition, you should probably go hide with your elderly landlord.
22. Red Lobster will make a girl sleep with you.
23. Always slide your credit card to the LEFT at Copy Cabana, or else it won’t work.
24. When a computer tells you not to attack at a Muslim funeral, you should probably listen.
25. Never listen to the President over a computer program.
26. 51% chance …..Just Go For it.
27. Apparently no security networks run a firewall or have private VLANS…
28. Jumping out of a train doesn’t kill you, you can just roll out of it.
29. When playing poker, when the other guy goes on a ten minute rant on why you should put EVEN MORE money into the pot. You should probably fold.
30. Supercomputers think humans are total shit.
31. If a sentient computer is powerful enough, it can hack into the video signals of a hand-held camera’s CCDs to show a mother her son is in jeopardy.
32. Industrial recycling yards have become fully automated, to the point that heavy equipment can be operated remotely (I guess the union demanded its members have the option of working from home) with the optical recognition abilities and dexterity to capture speeding motor vehicles, and cargo nets can mysteriously appear between fleeing terrorists and the dumpsterload of plastic bags they rest upon.
33. It is always a good idea to pull of a long and convoluted caper to rob an armored car of two pre-loaded, experimental drug-containing, subcutaneous injectors in case your pawns miss their flight and have to stow away in a military cargo plane.
34. Shia Labeouf’s ability to grow facial hair lies somewhere between Orlando Bloom’s and that of an ancient Maya.