Name: [REC] (2008)
Important things i’ve learned while watching this:
01. Old zombies are anorectic and have unusually long arms.
02. When you’ve got multiple keys to choose from, you’ll find the right one immediately.
03. Don’t ever chain a woman to a staircase. Chances are she might bite when you want to use the stairs.
04. Pablo will bring all the tape needed.
05. Pablo won’t stop filming when you ask him to.
06. Killing the old lady won’t help.
07. Sick children are the source of all evil in the universe.
08. When you tell your daughter she’s probably a zombie, she realizes it and bites you.
09. When your dog falls into a coma he’ll wake up. As a zombie.
10. When the loft of your house has been abandoned for eight years, you might want to look into why.
11. When the fireman dies… you’re *beep*.
12. When you’re trying to reach for someone who’s standing on the same floor as you in the dark, it’s a good idea to flail with your arms above you.
13. If you’re a reporter don’t forget to yell to the cameraman to keep filming, even though it’s his profession and he probably knows that already.
14. If you’ve yelled to the cameraman to keep filming, it’s a good idea to stand in between the camera and everything the cameraman is trying to shoot.
15. It’s a good idea to never be really quiet even though there are murderous zombies all around you.
16. It’s as easy to contain zombies as cuffing them, therefore it’s a good idea to lock down a whole building with uninfected humans in it with no help in sight, instead of sending in a swat-team to cuff everybody and then wait and see who’s infected and who’s not.
17. If you put a camera on a flat surface, it always tilts a little to the left.
18. When you stop and resume recording after a significant amount of time you get distorted cuts in the video, but if you resume after a short amount of time the cuts are seamless.
19. There are no rats in the attic, only zombiekids. That will explain it if you hear strange noises coming from your attic.
20. Never turn your back on the infected, they don’t like it and will bite your face off!! Look what happened to the cops!!
21. Never trust those pesky government people, who kinda knew that the building was infected, but cared less about the residents inside. The swines….
22. Firemen are really messy when they eat together.
23. 70% of the time firemen don’t put out fires, they do other stuff, like destroy zombie faces with sledgehammers.
24. Any escape plan will not be simple; like get to the roof. But involve going down stairs, going back upstairs to get keys, going back downstairs, going into the most dangerous part of the building, going into a dark basement, and then going into the sewers, which isn’t creepy and/or scary at all .
25. Zombies can run really fast.
26. A man’s face is bleeding? a non-absorbent red leather jacket is best to stop this, leaving our heroine in an unusually tight white top.
27. The best way to deal with a child possed by the devil is to lock her in a penthouse then leave her there for four years.
28. Last shot of the film? No problem. Instead of the zombie jumping on top of you and eating you like they did in the rest of the film, they will just drag you out of shot really dramatically.
29. When you rewind a tape to watch what you have recorded… you will record the rewinding and replaying of what you recorded.
30. When you run for your life holding a camera, you always point the camera towards the thing chasing you.
31. When making a boring documentary about firemen, be sure to pray for the alarm to go off so you can get locked in a building with zombies.
32. Spanish people are racist against the Chinese.
33. Always put the chinese kid in a FC Barcelona kit just to show that they are Spanish residents.
34. Health Inspectors are not the best people to keep gorvernment secrets with.
35. The one guy with the gun is always the most mentally unstable.
36. Old granny zombies always want to show you their panties.
37. Always be mad at the camera guy, who recorded material that can witness that you shot a zombie in self-defense.
38. Bald spanish firefighters act like chuck norris.
39. All Spanish lady TV reporters act like they are high on speed.
40. While you are searching for keys in desperate situation, dont you ever put your camera down and help. Just suggest where to look for.
41. It’s better to be eaten alive by zombies than to break through a door or window and get shot by the police.