Name: Disturbia (2007)
Important things i’ve learned while watching this:
01. There are no such things as curtains or blinds in Kale’s neighborhood.
02. It is perfectly normal to hit a deer and bag it up to store in your garage.
03. Dont punch your spanish teacher, his cousin will be the cop that ends up being in charge of you.
04. Eating Peanut butter covered with Choclate Syrup will give you the diarrhea.
05. Kales IPOD is 60 gigabytes of his life.
06. Girls LOVE guys who stalk them and watch them get undressed through their window with binoculars.
07. The cops show up within 30 seconds when a juvenile breaks house arrest. Sometimes even with multiple squad cars.
08. When an insane serial killer has got a hold of you in your front yard, screaming for help isn’t the first thing that comes to mind.
09. You can’t play XboX without Xbox live.
10. Itunes is the only way to download music on the internet.
11. Friends have extremely bad timing when it comes to pranks.
12. When a knife is sticking into a wall and your being chased..Leave it there.
13. Killing earns time off for good behaviour.
14. The red headed club girls never go home. Ever.
15. Kale and Ashley will be the most watched video on YouTube. The coolest videos on YouTube are ones of a girl and a boy making out. Their is nothing more interesting to watch.
16. You can enlarge a cheap blurry frame of a home made video and see it clearer than it was normal-size.
17. In a life or death situation, when you call the cops for help, they take longer to arrive than the cop responsible of investigating juvenile house arrest break who even has the time to finish a burger.
18. Mexicans too can be cops.
19. Itching your leg makes you sound like you’re having an orgasm.
20. Parents will let strangers into your house first without saying anything.
21. Everyone in the suburbs is blind.
22. Getting into someone else’s car and creepying them out is welcoming them to the neighborhood.
23. Putting your stuff down in a car your breaking into is a bad idea.
24. If you scream for help long enough your friend will become confused.
25. Getting hit in the face with an aluminum baseball bat won’t kill you or leave you permanently disfigured.
26. One man can dig an enormous tomb underneath his house.
27. Cell phone pics via email appear on screen as if a digital camera took them.
28. Carrie Anne Moss can’t kick ass unless she’s in the Matrix.
29. Always keep a rotting deer carcass in your garage, so you can explain “that terrible odor”.
30. Never try and keep your kid out of jail.
31. When your parents “turns off” your xbox and itunes, you will spend your time building a castle of glued twinkies.
32. You can’t have a stakeout without coffee & doughnuts!
33. Asians are willing to put themselves in grave danger anytime, for any reason.
34. A face-punched teacher who insinuates before a classroom of students that one pupil is using the recent death of his parent (in a brutal car accident they were both in) as an academic crutch is the victim, not the provoker.
35. Asian guys have become the new “token” black guy in thriller movies.
36. Obtaining blueprints for your neighbor’s house is easy.
37. When there is a party going on next door, it’s okay to just start making out with your neighbor.
38. Teenage boys like Minnie Ripperton songs.
39. People still fall for the ol’ poop-in-the-flaming-bag trick.
40. Emo Friends like to fake their slaughter on cam.
41. Leaving the lights on in the room when you are spying on people makes it “too dark” for them to see you (Even in Rear Window, Jimmy Stewert turned the lights off when he knew the bad guy was looking at him).
42. When it’s told on the news that the latest missing person was last seen in a blue mustang with a dent in it, the serial kller will still be driving it. Missing persons supposedly aren’t considered missing until 48 hours meaning that he would have still been driving the car before getting it fixed for at least 2 days.
43. EVERYONE knows how to take apart a webcam and create a whole new set of video equiptment.
44. The foundation of your house will not collapse even if there is a giant well in your basement.
45. Cops often pull out their weapons in the line of duty before they consider calling for backup.
46. Serial killers care more about their lawn than the average man.
47. Moms will never figure out your watching porn even when they get the cable bill.
48. Having a crush on a guy you saw getting arrested isn’t strange at all.
49. Pizza is the best after you’ve just been looking up disturbing images of dead, decaying women.
50. Don’t warn you mom about your suspicion of the scary neighbor.
51. Telling a murderer you “popped your spanish teacher” will definately scare them off.
52. It’s not normal for a boy to get jelous when the girl he likes has a party he can’t go to.
53. Before you buy your child a $600 car, you should first buy him a $400 xbox, $300 ipod, $1200 laptop, $300 video camera set, $200 binoculars, $100 phone.
54. I wonder who elses mom leads double lives- one normal, one in the Matrix.