Name: Pineapple Express (2008)
Imdb page: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0910936/
Rotten Tomatoes page: http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/pineapple_express/
Important things i’ve learned while watching this:
01. You’re protected from marijuana secondhand smoke by wearing an underwater suit.
02. Undercover asian hitmen are ninjas. Duh.
03. God’s vagina is pineapple express.
04. Caterpillars like pot smoke.
05. Sticking a joint in another joint will get you extra high.
06. You can’t bite off an ear that’s already been shot off.
07. Just put the missing ear piece back on. It will look okay. Wait…No.
08. Danny McBride is immortal.
09. Pot dealers will be reincarnated as anal beads. If they’re good they come back as Jude Law.
10. Shaved armpits make you more aerodynamic for fighting.
11. If you are a prostitute, you may prefer a smaller sized handgun.
12. Do not throw your roach out your car window. Someone might pick it up, take a hit and be able to identify the exact type of marijuana and know who sold it, which will end in them coming after you and trying to kill you.
13. There is a bigger knife somewhere
14. Don’t go to your girlfriend’s parents house “high as a f * * king kite” with hitmen on your tail. You WILL be shot at by the girl’s father.
15. If you’re at an old folks’ home, duck if you’re near a coffee pot.
16. Saul has badass taste in pants.
17. If you’re a corrupt cop, DON’T be lying next to some crappy Honda after you’ve been shot. You WILL be crushed by said car as it flies in the air.
18. If you stick your thumb out of your fly it will look like your thumb is your cock.
19. You will get herpes from eating a lollipop out of a stripper’s snatch.
20. If you get captured by drug dealers and they force you down a trap door in a barn, it’s safe to assume that there is a Rancor down there.
21. Ted Jones got served.
22. A fat angry black woman cop will take your side if you take the time to explain your situation to her.
23. If and when you are on the run from the cops and drug dealers, you should always bring Fruit Roll-Ups.
24. People hate it when you vomit on their printers.
25. If your cell phone is on and someone is looking for you they can triangulate your position.
26. Smashing your phone against a rock works much better than trying to throw it at a tree.
27. The best way to get your “Bubbie” into a good retierment community is to sell dope.
28. Different types of weed can have babies who have sex and have another baby to be a combination of great weeds.
29. Don’t tell your immature girlfriend you love her in a time of sorrow and confusion, because she will want to get married.
30. The TV show “227″ is ONLY watchable when you are extremely high!
31. After a rough night of being almost killed and shot at and being extremely high, you must go get breakfast and get picked up by bubbie BEFORE going to the hospital.
32. To get rid of a big phone, flush it down the toilet.
33. If your trying to get rid of a cell phone, catch an animal and have it run off with it.
34. When your pants catch on fire, take them off.
35. Continue to make your cat a pink frosted birthday cake 3 months after he has died.
36. Don’t ask for a piece of the pink frosted birthday cake that was made for a cat that died 3 months ago..
37. Keep a liter box handy (with poop inside) just incase your cat that has been dead for 3 months comes back from the grave..
38. Highschools have liasons that monitor the hallways.
39. Giving a drug dealer your coat is a sign of friendship
40. Giving a random drug user an endless supply of your marijuana is also a sign of friendship.
41. Saving someones life is not a sign of friendship.
42. Smoking Pineapple Express is a crime, like killing a unicorn.
43. Don’t trust the guy you just tied up.
44. Wanting to have dinner with your wife will get you shot.
45. Once you run over someone with a car, shoot ‘em in the foot.
46. Asian’s always have a briefcase bomb to destroy the evidence.
47. If tied up with a person, who is also tied up, free them by grinding your belt buckle to their restraints.
48. Those kid’s eyes were red as Satan’s dick.
49. James Franco is actually a really cool dude. . .when he’s high. When he’s not he always looks like he’s about to cry.
50. Don’t bother coming up with a plan when tied up in a room, they can hear everything you’re saying and it will lead to one of you getting part of your ear shot off.
51.If you ask a man what he thinks of his superiors while he’s high he’ll break out into jazz music.
52. Only nerds go to sleep before 9pm at a sleep over.
53. The trifecta makes you do the robot when caughing.
54. It’s hurricane season again.
55. Jeff Goldbloom sucks!
56. The Daewoo Lanos is a deadly weapon.
57. David Gordon Green can do anything.
58. You’ll normally want to stay where you are if you’re in the dumpster already.
59. If your in the woods and a small bug attacks you, don’t kill it and be proud.. Bigger bugs will come.
60. You turn lesbian when you go to college.
61. Coughing gets you 10 times higher.
62. Paper Planes is only a good enough song for the trailer, not the actual film.