Name: Showgirls (1995)
Important things i’ve learned while watching this:
01. Nothing makes a girl want to get naked more than tacky neon palm trees.
02. Golden parachutes work SO much better than traditional cloth, especially when jumping to your conclusion.
03. A girl in Vegas will take in a total stranger who looks like a hooker, b/c she says she’s not.
04. You don’t need a SSN to get work in the US.
05. When having sex, NOTHING makes a guy climax more than flopping around like a salmon on acid.
06. All country music is sung by Garth Brooks.
07. A cup of coffee costs 25 cents.
08. People don’t want to fuck a Penny, they want to fuck a Hope.
09. Everyone in America is a gynocologist.
10. Even though they fight all the time, a stripper naturally forms a father/daughterly bond with her boss.
11. Never go out on stage crying.
12. Vegas hotel show stars are major celebrities.
13. They could have brought anyone into their show: LaToya Jackson, Susanne Somers, Janet Jackson or Paula Abdul.
14. Girls can be very protective of their suitcases.
15. It costs $50 for a lap dance. One at a time. No women.
16. If you go to Las Vegas, you will find yourself.
17. In Las Vegas, they gamble.
18. Kids are bothered by swearing, not full frontal nudity.
19. Cristal isn’t champagne. It’s Holy water!
20. Falling down a flight of stairs results in a compound hip fracture.
21. It ain’t a party without Molly.
22. If you show “them” what “they” want to see, then you’re are whore.
23. Putting ice on your nipples makes them perky.
24. Brown rice and vegetables is worse than dog food.
25. When someone is the entertainment director, he’s a PIMP.
26. Dancing ain’t fucking.
27. People in vegas are always willing to take in a psychotic puking ex stripper who treats them like crap and barfs on their car.
28. If you get raped, you might just end up with a dress shop.
29. Marbles are your best friends.
30. You can live on sugar snaps and potato chips.
31. It’s nice not getting cummed on.
32. When a woman says she’s having her period, it’s always nice to double check by sticking your fingers up her bloody coochie just to be sure the biatch isn’t lying.
33. Banging against a car door will automatically cause you to throw up.
34. The first thing a major Vegas hotel star will notice are your nails.
35. Kyle MacLachlin had emo hair way back in 1994.
36. Never trust anyone who calls you darlin’.
37. You can shave your legs without water, or anything, in your dressing room.
38. After a week at a strip club, the boss will make you swallow.
39. It’s okay to dance around topless and snort coke every night, but it’s not okay to sleep with the enterainment manager.
40. Gina Gershon is way hotter than Elizabeth Berkley. (by eldridgebooks)